It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
