I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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