I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
