i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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