My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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