new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
