If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
