If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
