Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
