He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
