That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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