Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
