the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
