I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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