We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
