quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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