I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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