Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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