I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
