In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
