Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dick very happy bro
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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