She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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