I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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