I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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