sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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