I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
