You're my little dorito
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The air was thick with penises
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
