i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
