i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
