Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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