yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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