Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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