The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
