Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
