I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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