I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
