thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
