just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
