so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
