I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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