I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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