Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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