I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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