omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
