He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
