I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
