Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
