Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
