My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
