Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
