no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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