I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize