I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
