I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
