You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
