I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
