You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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