he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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