Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
