I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There r osticjed everywhere
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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