im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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