Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
