What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
