I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
