Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
