My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
