i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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